wait and hope
by Renakazama
Summary: Karamatsu/Todomatsu (one-sided from Todo), Mob/Todomatsu. Highschool/drama club AU. Beware of yandere!Todomatsu, murder, and sociopathic acts. Please proceed with caution. I'm sorry for my bad english if I made some mistakes.
_Ah, lips that say one thing, while the heart thinks another._

─ _Alexandre Dumas,_ _「_ _The Count of Monte Cristo_ _」_

* * *

"So, the roles for our next play, 'The Count of Monte Cristo' has been decided."

I cover my yawning mouth with my hand. I feel a bit sleepy from the drama club president's boring speeches. Yesterday, they asked for my assistance in the costume department, so here I am...with my head hanging low from heavy drowsiness.

 _Damn, just get to the point already. If this keeps going, I'm gonna die bored._

"The role of Count goes to...Matsuno-kun."

 _Aaaaahh. And there he goes. He stands before the cheering members of the club, smiling widely. His face blushes a little. Eh...so he can act shy and adorable around others like that, huh. I thought he's just a narcisstic, shameless twit. Or is he faking it─acting all blushy and cute to garner popularity among this boring, trashy club members? Heh, I guess we're not so different, then. We're brothers, after all._

"That role really suits Matsuno-kun, right? Right?" Says one of the drama club girls, giggling with her friends. _Disgusting._

"Right! I can't wait to see Matsuno-kun plays the Count! He's going to snatch all the spotlights because he's so cool!"

 _Oooh. And among these girls too, apparently. What's so cool about him? He's just a painful, stupid narcisst. I don't understand how girls' brains work._

"─and the role of Mercedes goes to...Tanaka-san. The role of Gerard de Villefort goes to─"

Another cheer from this boring group. _Blah, just hurry up and let me out of here already! I'm going to die of boredom!_

"Pleased to work with you, Matsuno-kun. I ask for your cooperation from now on." The Tanaka girl bows to the crowd, and then to him.

"Likewise. Let's do our best for this performance!" He replies, with a faint blush on his face.

 _Gross. Disgusting. These interactions irks me to the fullest. They even faking their talks outside the stage. As expected from a drama club─acting all sweet and fluffy outside._

 _I know, what their true nature truly is. It's useless to put on those makeups, faking those smiles and politeness. I know everything behind those silly masks._

"Matsuno─errr...I mean, Todomatsu-kun! Can you help us with the measurements for each actors?" The drama club president calls me, taking me back to reality.

"Oh, yeah! Sure! Hold on, let me take my notes."

I take a measuring tape and a small notebook, and begin my work. Those actors and actresses possesses nice, proportional bodies. Not to mention their faces are quite attractive. They'll look very good in any kind of costumes.

 _If only their insides are as ideal as their appearances...huh._

"Eh? Aren't you going to measure Matsuno-kun's body?" A girl asks, intrigued by my works.

"Ah, I forgot. You're his twin. Probably, your sizes are perfect match, right?"

"Hahaha, that's correct! And I'm not the only one who have the exact same size with Karamatsu-nii-san. All of my other brothers, too!" I cheerfully replies, even though it churns my stomach by doing so.

"Ah, that's right! You Matsunos are sextuplets, right? Then, one of you can act as reserve players in case that Karamatsu-kun is unable to perform on the stage!"

"Hey, don't say that! I'm not going to die anytime soon!" Karamatsu-nii-san yells. "Besides, you're going to bother my brothers!"

 _There he go again. Acting all kind and soft to his 'brothers', yeah._

"Alright! I think this is enough for today. We'll be meeting again this Friday, and don't forget to bring your scripts along!"

The drama club finishes their meeting with an energetic shout. To me, it's not more than a high-pitched yelling of a band of monkeys. Then, I see Karamatsu-nii-san's face─beaming with delight and joy for successfully taking the lead role of this year's school drama. Surrounded by the club's members, his face flushed red as a tomato.

 _It disgusts me. These people who acts on a daily basis, masking their rotten intentions with sweet and attractive faces...I hate them. My brother, who acts nice and kind to others, while hiding that narcisstic tendencies...I also hate him. I hate them all._

 _Moreover, the adorable-looking-but-dry-inside, two-faced myself...is the one I hate the most._

 _I hate myself the most._

* * *

Two days later, Karamatsu-nii-san shows us the script to his upcoming play. It's printed on a nice, bright red paper covers. The words were written in alphabet, instead of Kanji letters─ _'The Ruler of Cave: Count of Monte Cristo'._

"Is it going to be on a competition, Karamatsu-nii-san?" Jyushimatsu-nii-san asks curiously. As per usual, he rolls around the room─atop a yellow balance ball.

"That is correct, my brother. We're going to compete against other prefectural high schools! Wish us luck, Jyushimatsu." Karamatsu-nii-san gleefully answers.

"When will the competition be held? We want to watch your performance!" Choromatsu-nii-san enthusiastically asks. "Also, I heard from Todomatsu that you've been chosen as the lead role. Is it true?"

"Y─yes, that's true." Karamatsu-nii-san abruptly blushes with awkward smile. He completely backpedals from his former confident shell into a muttering sweaty, shy guy. "But...I think...I'm not that good in acting as a lead protagonist..."

"No worries! If it's you, I think it'll turn out okay!" Osomatsu-nii-san cheerfully pats Karamatsu's back, reassuring the latter with that distinctive laughter of his. "Let's make a bet: if you did bad in the show, you're going to treat us five melon breads for a week; if you did well in the show, then you're going to treat us melon breads for five days. How's that?"

"THAT'S UNFAIR!" Choromatsu-nii-san screams in disbelief. "THAT'S JUST EXACTLY THE SAME THING FOR KARAMATSU-NII-SAN!"

Admist the loud laughter and noise, Ichimatsu-nii-san slips away from the living room. He mutters something that sounds like, "I'm going to do my homework, and then hit the sack." Jyushimatsu-nii-san immediately follows, telling the former to help with his homework too.

"Hnnnng, I'm going to hit the sack too." Osomatsu-nii-san stretches his arms, yawning widely like a crocodile. That distasteful behavior really suits him.

"That's right. I'm going to finish my homeworks, too. How about you guys? You're still up?" Choromatsu-nii-san asks.

"I'm staying here. I have to finish the designs for Karamatsu-nii-san's stage play costumes."

"Oh, yeah. That's right, you're involved in this show too, are you? Good luck with that." Osomatsu-nii-san flashes his grin to both Karamarsu-nii-san and I. "Nighty night, you two. Don't stay up too late, or you guys gonna be late for school tomorrow."

"Yeeees."

All of them left the room, leaving only my scribbling pencil's noise resounding through the room. Karamatsu-nii-san awkwardly starts the conversation.

"Todomatsu, look. Isn't the script awesome? It looks so epic already, even though I haven't read it yet."

"I wonder, what's the story is about. Maybe I can get some inspiration for the costume design if I could understand the play's story and background."

Karamatsu-nii-san swiftly opens the script. His eyes' movement is like a scanner, quick and precise. I have to admit, I'm kinda astonished with his sudden change of character. He's serious in this kind of stuff, I think.

"From what I've heard, I think the story's highlight is about a guy who was betrayed by his friends and framed for something. Then, he came back filthy rich and about to exact revenge for said frameup."

I can feel my eyes widens in amazement. "Whoa, that's...awesome. And to know that you're going to play such challenging role as a wrath-driven, vengeful character...don't you think that this role is too difficult for you?"

Karamatsu-nii-san bites his lip and grins. "I do think that this role is quite hard to play...but I've grown to love the art of acting. So, I'll do my best to understand this complex character, and to play it as best as I can."

 _Geez. Wipe that smile off your face, would you? I hate to see people like you acting all tough and stuff. Although in reality, you're going to be struggling with this level of difficulty, you know?_

"I'm going off to bed. See you tomorrow, Todomatsu. Don't sleep too late." He says, as he ruffles my hair and leave the room.

 _Stop it. Don't act like you really cared for me. I hate it. It's disgusting._

 _It's gross. Gross gross gross gross gross. It's fucking disgusting._

 _It's disgusting. It's itchy. Itchy itchy itchy itchy!_

"What's the matter?"

I gasp in shock─my mind is back to reality, from an unecessary wandering of unecessary things I don't want to remember. Here I am, laying naked inside a dark shed of the school's gymnasium with a third-year student.

"You're daydreaming? How unlike of you, Matsuno-kun."

My breath become faster and harder, as he rubbed some lubricant on my lower parts. I can feel a rush of hormones flowing through my veins.

"Just hurry...senpai..." I grumble, trying my hardest to keep down my choked voice. "...don't tease me too much..."

"Oh? No way, Matsuno-kun..." He chuckles.

"Not until you beg me for it."

"Oooogghh..."

 _It sucks. It disgusts me. It itches every fiber of my being with hatred and resentment. I hate it. I loath it. But, I..._

"...please...senpai...give me..."

"Give you what?"

"...please...do me. Fuck me...nnnngggh..."

"Because you're being such a good boy, I'm going to make you feel reaaally good. But first...do it with your tongue."

He grabs my arms and forces me down on my knees. He then proceeds to shove his disgusting cock inside my mouth, ramming his hips like a wild beast. That dirty cunt even comes in my mouth. I spit it out, but he takes his own cum from the floor and shove them back to my throat.

"You...you're not wearing a condom?" Really, that was the most useless question I ever asked. How stupid of me.

"Just take it like a man, Matsuno-kun."

I swallow my own screams of pain as he rams inside my body. My pride, my ego, everything...they all melt into nothingness. All I was left with...was this empty shell of a heart. The dry, cold, empty human heart. I wonder, how much of humanity still remain within me?

 _...I hate them. Lustful creatures like this guy, shameless sluts who whored themselves just for amusement...I hate them all._

 _That also means me. I hate myself the most. Myself─the most rotten and garbage inside. Myself─the most vile and slutty inside._

"Let's play again soon, Matsuno-kun." He says, throwing some money on my cum-covered chest. It's the grossest thing I ever felt on my skin.

 _The darkness consumed everything. I was left with nothing but a hollow husk of my former self─Matsuno Todomatsu, the sixth of Matsuno brothers. I am now but a monster, the dry-hearted monster._

* * *

"I've practiced a lot. And I get the whole story now, Todomatsu."

I keep my focus on the costume I've been sewing for days in my hands, nodding my head occasionally, in response of Karamatsu-nii-san's proud presentation of how magnificent the play is. We are alone in the living room once again, just the two of us.

"It's quite challenging, as you said days ago. But it's actually very fun! You see, the club president keeps praising me for my way of playing this role! And Tanaka-san can't stop gushing about how cool I am! Maybe she's turning into one of the Karamatsu Girls, don't you think?"

"So, what's the story about?" I dryly interrupt his seemingly endless chatter.

"Oh, it's about a man who was wrongly accused and imprisoned. His name is Edmond Dantes. He then escapes from prison, finds a mountain of treasure, and gets revenge to those who betrayed him. His fiancee was also taken away from him, being married to one of the traitors. He is later known as the nameless Count of Monte Cristo. However, his quest of vengeance also drags the innocent ones to their downfall, as well as the traitors."

"However, the club president modified the story. In the real novel, the Count gets away with his vengeance and gets new love. In this play, the Count takes his former lover back, but he dies because of illness and guilt. Apparently, our club's president hates the novel's ending, huh."

"So, you're going to play some love scenes?" I sneer at Karamatsu-nii-san's blushing face. "How dirty. Karamatsu-nii-san is dirtyyy~"

"With 'Mercedes', yes...but not that kind of love scene, okay?!" He awkwardly shakes his head. "Gosh. I'm so anxious. I hope that Tanaka-san won't be so nervous as I am."

I keep sewing the costume, refusing to look at Karamatsu-nii-san's face. His face lightens up whenever that Tanaka girl is brought up. It burns my chest with intense hatred...and jealousy. I hate to see them being intimate and such, even though it's only an act.

"Why don't you show me one of your practice's results?" A wide grin shows up on my face. "I would like to see it."

Karamatsu-nii-san clears his throat, flipping through the pages of the script. Suddenly, the air surrounding him changes. The room's temperature lowers significantly. I feel a chill haunting down my neck. His awkward disposition is gone, changed with an atmosphere of elegance I couldn't describe. He slowly opens his eyes, and he turns into someone completely different. His voice also goes down a pitch or two, evoking an appearance of a menacing, yet soft-spoken man who's been keeping an intense darkness within his heart for years.

He's not Karamatsu-nii-san anymore. At this moment, he's the Count of Monte Cristo.

 _"You believe me to be a Frenchman, for I speak French with the same facility and purity as yourself. Well, Ali, my Nubian, believes me to be an Arab; Bertuccio, my steward, takes me for a Roman; Haydee, my slave, thinks me a Greek."_

He's being polite, yet I can sense a danger emitted from his voice alone. What a character, I think to myself. Amazed by his simple performance, I clap my hands enthusiastically.

"That's amazing, Karamatsu-nii-san! More! More!"

Karamatsu-nii-san laughs, and his Count persona is broken. He's back, being the awkward and foolish Karamatsu-nii-san I know. That extreme change of character is actually pretty amazing.

"Would you help me in practicing this scene? Just read Mercedes' part. I had problems with this one..." He blushes quite hard, I can see his face burning─red as a ripe tomato. "You know...I always break my composure whenever Tanaka-san is doing this particular scene with me..."

 _Oh, you have to be kidding me._

"Wait, what? Are you asking me to play a girl's part?" My face is heating up rapidly. "You want me to play a love scene...with you?"

"If it's you, it's okay...I think. C'mon, Todomatsu! Do me a favor! Only for once, please!"

I sigh heavily, leaving the costume on the table. "Fine, let me at it. So, where should I start?"

I couldn't believe myself when I started to read the lines. My voice changes into something completely different. It's almost like someone else is speaking through my mouth. Call me crazy, but I think it's an influence from Karamatsu-nii-san's aura.

He─who transforms into the Count, has dragged me down to change into Mercedes. I am not his lover or anything, but I can feel Mercedes' own pain and sadness...

 _"Oh, the prosperity of which you speak, and which, from the bottom of my heart, I pray God in his mercy to grant him, I can never enjoy. The bitter cup of adversity has been drained by me to the very dregs, and I feel that the grave is not far distant. You have acted kindly, count, in bringing me back to the place where I have enjoyed so much bliss. I ought to meet death on the same spot where happiness was once all my own."_

 _"Alas,"_ said Monte Cristo, _"your words sear and embitter my heart, the more so as you have every reason to hate me. I have been the cause of all your misfortunes; but why do you pity, instead of blaming me? You render me still more unhappy—"_

Karamatsu-nii-san reaches for my hand, but I have to slap his hands (which is written on the script).

 _"No, my friend, touch me not. You have spared me, yet of all those who have fallen under your vengeance I was the most guilty. They were influenced by hatred, by avarice, and by self–love; but I was base, and for want of courage acted against my judgment. Nay, do not press my hand, Edmond; you are thinking, I am sure, of some kind speech to console me, but do not utter it to me, reserve it for others more worthy of your kindness. See, misfortune has silvered my hair, my eyes have shed so many tears that they are encircled by a rim of purple, and my brow is wrinkled. You, Edmond, on the contrary,—you are still young, handsome, dignified; it is because you have had faith; because you have had strength, because you have had trust in God, and God has sustained you. But as for me, I have been a coward; I have denied God and he has abandoned me."_

Such powerful words. I'm overwhelmed by the sheer despair depicted on that scene. My chest tightens in pain after reading those long, deep lines. Karamatsu-nii-san kneels down before me, takes my hand and kisses it. As his lips touches my skin, I sense a jolt of uneasiness rushing within my mind.

"Huh, that's surprising..." Karamatsu-nii-san mumbles. "It seems that I can play this scene much easier when I'm doing it with you, Todomatsu. You know, I got reaaally nervous and sweaty when I tried to kiss Tanaka-san's hand. Why, I wonder? It seems so natural and easy when I'm doing it to you."

 _Shut up, you good-for-nothing twerp. Shut up, you third-rate class actor. Are you mocking me? Or are you trying to seduce me? Just shut your trap! Shut up, shut up, shut up!_

"I'm going to bed," I stand up from the seat, grabbing the unfinished costume and run out from the room─without looking back. "Good night, Karamatsu-nii-san."

 _I don't deserve his kindness...for I am a vile, dry monster inside. I'm sure, he'll find someone else who deserves him better._

* * *

I turn around as the dress' long, flowing skirt twirls from my hips. It's a perfect fit. It's an extra dress I made after I finished all of the cast's costumes─I don't know why I made it in the first place. I don't have any breasts, but the dress fits my body from waist down. The white, silky smooth dress dances gracefully─being blown by the wind through the open window. I look at the mirror, and finding that thing has been staring at me the entire time. That thing. That disgusting, horrible being.

I put on some makeup. Deep red lipstick, brown and black eyeshadow. It doesn't suit me at all. I just made myself even a creepier monster. However, I think all of them will suit that Tanaka-san even more.

That's right, maybe she deserves Karamatsu-nii-san much better than I...

She would make a perfect, beautiful Mercedes. As for I...I'm this ugly, disgusting creature raising from hell.

 _What's with that bitch?! That stupid, two-faced bitch! Just because she have two giant meat blobs hanging down her chest, doesn't mean she could steal away men left and right! I hate that female pig, dressing up in period drama dresses and putting shitty makeups! I hate that useless shit of an older brother, who does nothing but to sprout out some cheesy, outdated lines from drama books! I hate myself, who does nothing but to curse everyone out of my overdramatic misery, and being fucked by random people behind my family's backs!_

When I came up to, I found the mirror had been shattered. My hands were bleeding. Painful, anguish sobs came out from my throat. I slump down the floor, covering my own face and cry.

 _Ahhhhh. I really hate everything._

* * *

"Matsuno-kun. I...I like you!"

Tanaka blushes really hard after saying those words. She invites 'Matsuno Karamatsu' to the school's backyard, wanting to tell him something important.

 _I thought I wasn't a good actor, but I'm so wrong. I think, it's in the blood, after all._

"I like you too, Tanaka-san..." A wide, demonic grin flashes across my already pale face. "But I'm sorry...a beautiful girl like you doesn't deserve someone like me."

"But...why? I liked you ever since our first year! You're a good guy─"

"Don't test my patience, _bitch_." I grab the girl's arms, she's horrified as hell now. "Just get out of my sight! I'm only being nice to you because of this fucking play─nothing more. After this show's over, we're fucking done. Now, scram!"

Tears welling up on Tanaka's eyes, she dashes away from 'Matsuno Karamatsu' after he said those rude, cruel words to her. That's perfect. I couldn't ask anything better than this.

"Look, nii-san..." A high-pitched chuckle resounds through my dry throat. "I can act too, just like you! We're really brothers, after all!"

 _I'm getting lower and lower. I'm the lowest of low._

My work is shaping up─Tanaka's 'Mercedes' is now a cold, resentful woman to Matsuno Karamatsu's 'Edmond Dantes'. Nii-san is confused, but he wouldn't understand the reason why Tanaka acts so cold toward him. I feel bad for him, but I also feel a strange satisfaction. Now that's evil.

* * *

The day of the drama competition has finally come. My other brothers are gathering, sitting down the lined seats to watch Karamatsu-nii-san's performance. The hall is bustling with students from various schools' chatter.

"Look at those costumes! Todomatsu, you're so good at them!" Choromatsu-nii-san compliments our drama team's clothes with gusto. I shyly scratches my head.

"Shush. They're starting. Be quiet." Ichimatsu-nii-san calms down the hyper Jyushimatsu-nii-san's excitement over watching our second brother's show.

The room darkens, and the spotlight moves to illuminate the actors on the stage. There, I see him─not Karamatsu-nii-san, but the Count of Monte Cristo. He's like a totally different person in that costume. His voice, his expression, his personality...everything changes within a second. I'm completely captivated by his performance.

Not just me, all of my brothers are silent as dead men watching Karamatsu-nii-san's transformation into the notorious count. Even Jyushimatsu-nii-san.

Then, I see 'Mercedes'. The quiet, demure woman played by Tanaka. She's even creepier and colder than her first performances. She gives her role more chilling tone, rather than a sad and mournful woman. She shows her negative emotions toward Karamatsu-nii-san more than willingly. But I like it. I like it when their masks are cracking away from their faces. Heheh, it's so fun to watch.

Karamatsu-nii-san really shows his quality of being the Count. He's a resilient, strong man who bides his time and waits...while keeping his unbreakable faith deep in his heart. Despite his malicious intents of exacting revenge, he's still an adamant person who truly believes that he too, could pursue his own happiness. That's so Karamatsu-nii-san. Well, except for the vengeance part, of course.

The Count is dying, comforted by the tearless Mercedes. With his last breath, he told the other characters to follow his example.

 _"There is neither happiness nor misery in the world; there is only the comparison of one state with another, nothing more. He who has felt the deepest grief is best able to experience supreme happiness. We must have felt what it is to die, that we may appreciate the enjoyments of living. Live, then, and be happy, beloved children of my heart, and never forget that until the day when God shall deign to reveal the future to man, all human wisdom is summed up in these two words,—'Wait and hope'."_

As the final line finally being delivered, a surge of applause echoes through the hall. The spectators stands from their seats, each giving our school's drama team the most spirited applause they could gather.

However, I stay seated with my face wet from tears. My brothers probably would think that I cried because of the drama's unexpected sad ending...but that isn't really the case.

 _I hate it. I really hate it. I hate everything. Wait...Karamatsu-nii-san said that I too, could pursue my own happiness. What makes me happy, then? I wonder..._

 _Ah, that's right! I can start to pursue my own happiness! I've been sulking in this hellhole for too long, dammit. Now's the time to get out of this stupid angsty, whiny situation!_

I clap my hands along with the other spectators. Truly, a magnificent performance.

* * *

It's warm. So very warm. The smell isn't really nice, but this will do. The sensation of it...it feels quite violent at first. But then...I've grown to love it. I'm loving this sensation. It's the first time I found something that I don't hate, and that's new.

The color. It's very beautiful. Splattered across the dimly-lit shed room. I think it'll be much awesome if the lights are brighter. Ah, but I can't ask too much. This is enough─an adequate amount of sweet, sweet revenge. The Count is right, revenge is beautiful...revenge is magnificent.

 _...eh? It's not so warm anymore._ Senpai's stopped moving ever since he entered this shed with me─we're about to do it again, as usual. However, he stopped breathing as I choked and broke that puny neck of his. His blood runs over the blade of a knife in my hands. It's wet, sticky, but not so warm anymore.

"...Todo...matsu?"

That voice. That clear, bright voice. The voice that I love so much. The voice that captivates me. The voice that drives me insane.

A wide grin formed on my mouth. My teeth are showing, among these dry lips of mine.

 _Yes, I've finally decided to stop whining. Crying and keeping my problems inside won't solve a thing, right? That's why...that's why I'm going all-out from now on._

He stands at the shed's door, looking horrified. I can see tears forming on his eyes. Those clear, foolishly honest eyes. Those shameless, painful attitude of yours...everything is broken now.

 _I can't be like him. I can't bide my time and hope to reach happiness alone. I'm going to create my own happiness._

"Don't worry, Karamatsu-nii-san..." A hoarse voice whispers from my lungs. "I'm not going to destroy you... _yet._ "

 _How do I create my own happiness?_

"I'm going to reach out for my happiness, Karamatsu-nii-san...by destroying things that I hate. If you have no things you hate in your life left, then you are surely be happy, right?"

Laughter escapes my lips, I clutch the knife in my hands tighter.

 _I'm going to destroy everything. Even if that means I have to destroy myself in the end. If that makes me happy, then..._

"First, I'm starting with senpai. Look, he's broken now. He won't move any longer. Then, I'm going for Tanaka. That obnoxious bitch is one of the most disgusting things I ever encountered in my life. Next, maybe I'm going for Ichimatsu-nii-san. He's on the bottom of my most beloved brothers list, after all. I never liked his cold attitude, anyway. And then─"


End file.
